Patience

God is teaching me a lot about patience.

I am a teenage girl. I am single. Every time I blink another one of my friends starts dating a GREAT guy or girl, and they fall in love. Teenager love, but still. Love.

Every time I tell someone about this all they say is:
1."It's okay, you'll find someone." ... probably
2. "Dating isn't that great." ... Well neither is being single
3. "I've been single for 4 months and I love it!"... Try 15 years.
4. "God has someone planned out for you." ... Yes

Now all of these points are great ones.

I WILL find someone. Dating DOES have it's cons, I'm sure. (although it's hard to tell when everyone I know is playing kissy-face with someone that seems to fit every single thing they could ever ask for in a person) Being single DOES have it's pros. (I never have to worry about impressing anyone with what I wear. Sweats and Nike shorts are comfy, don't judge) And, lastly God DOES have a wonderful, as close to perfect-for-me as a human can be, Godly man, and a great plan on how to help me avoid the most heartache on the way to him.

But.

It's hard. It's hard watching everyone move on with their life while you just sit and eat. (You think I'm kidding, but seriously there is some type of food involved in every single church event. I promise.) It's hard to know that God has a plan, and to trust in that plan, when it feels like everyone else gets to have their perfect plan NOW. (although in reality, most of them are probably disobeying God's plan.....)

The hardest part of being single is when the boy that you love, and have loved, for as long as you can remember gets a girlfriend. And you can't be sad, because she's nice and Godly and, in reality, a really good girl for him. And plus, you don't want to be that girl. (You know, the one that makes everyone feel guilty for being happy)

But.

Despite all the difficulty, despite all of the struggles that come with never having had a boy like you. That is worth the plan that God has for me. The heartache now is worth it. The pruning, and working on myself now, is worth it so that I'm a better spouse later. This life now is worth my life later. Having patience now is worth the reward later.

So.

I'm pretty sure I'll make it.

Christmas

This Christmas was a rough one for me.

Oh don't worry, I got plenty of stuff. 2 new pairs of boots, a 5 piece luggage set, more money on iTunes then I can even spend, ect. ect. But I was still brokenhearted at the end of the day. But let me go back.

This summer I began sponsoring a child through Compassion International. I had felt called to do it for a few years, and felt that $38 dollars was not much of a sacrifice on my part in order to change the life of a kid. Little did I know (even though I should have been able to guess) that the Lord was starting a project on me. 

Among my many gifts that I got this year, the most immediately life-changing one was book called Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. This book is about a young woman, not much older then me, who quit life and moved to Africa and is now in the process of adopting 14 little girls. Yes. 14. I got this book on Christmas Eve, and I finished it on Christmas Day. It was phenomenal. But more than that it felt like me. As I was reading the book I heard God saying to me -- "This will be you. Someday, this will be you." Now, I did not take this in a literal sense of, doing exactly the things Davis did, but I did take it as God's distinct call to missions. 

Then I hit a brick wall. Knowing that I'm called to missions makes me want to drop everything and go. Right now. I even emailed Katie's ministry and asked if they could use volunteers. But I can't, for multiple reasons. First off, I'm a student, and soon school is going to be a top priority again in a short 3 days. *sigh* Also, I'm in band, which takes up a lot of the summer. Third, money. I do not have the money to go overseas. I am not poor at all, but my family does not exactly have lots of money to be "throwing around" (for lack of a better term) money for trips like those. 

This led to lots of bawling Christmas evening in bed. I was so heartbroken for all the children (and adults as well) with nothing. I felt suffocated by my own stuff that was all over my room, cluttering up every single space. I had no idea what God wanted my next step to be, and I was so eager to take it. I felt like my parents thought I was crazy, because when they asked if I was happy that night I had said that I was very grateful for everything that I had, but I was heartbroken. I felt like God had revealed this big, magnificent plan, and then said no.

Now I would like to say this story has a happy ending. Which it does, but not right now. I still have no idea what to do next. I'm still heartbroken over the people in poverty not only around the world but right outside my door. And I don't know what to do about it. But. I know that God has a plan. I do know that even when I feel like God's not there, He is still there. I know that His timing is perfect, and if I wait for it, I will be floored by the awesomeness of His plan. And I know that He has a plan. 

And that is enough for me right now. 

Uncomfortable.

Warning: This post might make you feel uncomfortable. And I'm definitely not preaching, I have been convicted on this... Oh and I apologize for any typos... I'm doing this from an Ipod.

So let's get right down to it.

I am convinced that Christianity is NOT about making people comfortable. In fact I'm pretty sure that it's more about making people uncomfortable.

There's nothing comfortable about telling someone they're wrong and they need someone to fix them (aka Jesus).There's nothing comfortable about telling your friends that you love them, but their actions are unacceptable. There's nothing comfortable about being the first person to stand up in worship, or being the only person to raise your hands. There is absolutely nothing comfortable about sobbing on the floor at the altar with your friends while snot is flying everywhere and there aren't any tissues (we've all been there).

But we are called to do it.

We as Christians, are called to stand up, to raise our hands, to be weird and awkward and messy and UNCOMFORTABLE.

But instead we sugar coat things, pray in our soothing voice (you know, the higher pitched, softer one), we pat people on the back and say "Oh sweetie it's all okay," we bake people food to comfort them instead of loving on them. We look around the worship center, and let other people dictate our actions. We don't tell our friends about Christ, and wonder why we find ourselves sinning around them.

Being a Christian requires a little mess, a little awkwardness, and a few just downright uncomfortable situations. So we need to embrace it. Embrace the awkwardness. Be uncomfortable, and see what God does.

Great Friends

I have the best friends.

I was originally going to write a blog post about how much my life sucked, and how sad I was because of my ex-best-friend (try and say that five times fast...) decided to hate me, and how much I miss him, and blah blah blah...

But then I started texting one of my church friends. And I decided that I just couldn't make a blog post about how much my life sucked, because honestly... it doesn't. My life is pretty amazing. I have two parents that are married to each other still and live together in the same house. I have a little brother who   isn't perfect (obviously) but is as close to it as an 11 year old can get. And I have great friends.

I have so many friends that I can count on it's not even funny. I can text numerous people, and they will respond, at any time of the day or night. And I know they've got my back, and they don't think I'm a loser, despite my constant wallowing and asking them to pray for me for the stupidest things (like how my ex-best friend decided to hate me.) They love me for me. Wallowing and all. Awkwardness and all.

So thanks friends...

Without you, I honestly have no idea what I would do.

Awkward

Everyone says I'm awkward, or weird, or different. Some people take that a step further and say that I'm annoying. But I like it. I like the fact that I'm different than everyone else. I love the fact that I can make people laugh just by saying something, or making a certain face. I love that I shout out the wrong answer all the time in History, because that's how I learn. I especially love my tears that seem to start falling at the most inconvenient times.

So, to make a long story short, I love myself. Even though I rarely act like it; even though I'm constantly putting myself down, at the end of the day I love myself for me. And I'm confident in the fact that I have good friends, and that one day I will find someone to love me and marry me.

I'm going to post some interesting stuff. I'm going to sound depressed, and idiotic, and hormonal, like the teenager that I am. But I'm also going to sound overjoyed, genius, and mature, because that's how I am. So stick it out. Come along for the ride. I think that you'll enjoy my awkward-ness.

- Me